Reverse Gifting: the playfully connected alternative

The best gifts have a lot of personal meaning, have a strong element of surprise, and celebrate and enhance the connection between giver and receiver. But how often does this actually happen? What if I had a way to guarantee this would happen EVERY time? Would you be interested?

I won’t mince words: I don’t like traditional gift exchanges. There is so much pressure, and for every treasured gift there are many more well-intentioned duds given and received. And many people don’t even gift at all for lack of funds or inspiration. While “it’s the thought that counts” is true to an extent I think we can do so much better. I think we can get more personal, more playful, more connected, more “in the spirit” AND have a 100% success rate.

So I present for your consideration: Reverse Gifting.

Here’s how it works: two people agree to Reverse Gift with each other. Each one gives a present to him or herself that “comes from” the other person.

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking: that sounds selfish and awful. Selfish? In a way, yes. Awful? No, more like AWESOME. I’ve done this before and with the right attitude from both sides it’s a delight. Please allow me to explain.

Reverse Gifting allows us to tell the person what we really want from them and have them accept in the spirit of the exchange. The thing is, chances are what we REALLY want from them is actually more of them, not some object.

A meal together. A partner for some chore. A regular phone call. A periodic photo. Some skill they have that will really help you out. A commissioned poem, artwork, or craft item, no matter the talent level.

You “tell” them by stating that’s what they gave you (if it isn’t a physical object you’ve already procured). You wrap it up and put a bow and a card on it and then you open it in their presence. Or if you’re apart, maybe you send them your gift and they open it for you to discover what they gave you. SURPRISE!

This is a chance for increasing connection. If you still think that Reverse Gifting seems selfish consider this: I have an Amazon Wish List and in traditional gifting scenarios I often hope someone gives me something from my list. Now that I’ve set up a few Reverse Gifting exchanges, buying myself something from my own wish list to “come from” the other person feels empty and meaningless. Those items are trivialized. When I get to really call the shot I’m going for something way more personal.

Here’s the deal. I want people’s time. I want their attention. I want an experience with them. I don’t want a gift card. I don’t want cash. I don’t want some object. I want personal connection. I want to know the other person more. Reverse Gifting allows me to express that this is what I most want from them. It’s a heart opening.

Still, I trust that whatever each person comes up with will be the right thing for them. Maybe it’s more transactional. Maybe it actually is an object that can be opened in the moment, even an impersonal “could come from anybody” wish list item. That’s okay, too, even great. Because that is what that person chose for her or himself to come from me. It’s what he or she most wanted. I honor that and want to be a part of it. I just don’t want to know what it is ahead of time. I want to be surprised in a good way and get to hear all about why they love it.

There truly is a 100% success rate. Everyone puts in and gets out what they want. We’re all VERY happy with our gifts. We’ve shared what we appreciate. We’re together.

Finally, and not surprising at all: the best, most personal gifts often have little or no expense. Reverse Gifting brings the spirit in a big way while also reducing financial strain. [technical detail: the receiver (the one who invents the gift) pays for the gift they receive, and for any related out-of-pocket expenses such as meal ingredients, etc. The receiver can’t force the “giver” to spend money. That would be weird. ]

Try it. There is so little to lose and so much to gain.