Attention is love is happiness (the three questions)

There’s that moment when I leave a conversation and realize I did all the talking, or I was just waiting for my turn and not really paying attention to what the other person was saying.

Leo Tolstoy would not approve. Yes, the War & Peace guy.

Paraphrasing his short story The Three Questions there are — you guessed it — three questions to ask in any situation:

1. When is the right time to begin?
2. Who is the right person to listen to?
3. What is the most important thing to do?

I first came across these ideas in one of my fave books Who Ordered this Truckload of Dung?, a humorous collection of short lessons written by a Buddhist monk.

Do you know Tolstoy’s answers? Here they are:

1. When is the right time to begin? … now
2. Who is the right person to listen to? … the one you are with
3. What is the most important thing to do? … to care

In other words, right now try to make the person I am with feel like the most important person in the world.

So, periodically I remind myself:

1. The most important time is right now
2. The most important person is the one I am with
3. The most important thing is to care

Maybe I'm with a family member or friend, a co-worker, a customer service agent on the phone, a stranger waiting in line beside me, or any human being. Maybe I'm by yourself and I could use a little care.

As the song goes: if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with. If the word “love” seems inappropriate to you just think of it as “extreme courtesy”. Not quite as catchy, but the spirit of service remains.

I invite you to try it out yourself and see what a difference it makes to how you connect with the world and people around you.